Not enough effort

Is it too hard for me or is it that I didn't put in enough effort?
There are many things I didn't noticed before (Or that I deny that is the truth)... But I'm slowly realizing those issues while working at this new place for the past 4 months...

New Project came in.
I'm placed to be the second in charge..
I want to do it well.
But the truth is, I am too lazy to do it well.

I procrastinate way too much and tend to put off things which I deemed hard / difficult / time consuming things.

I question too little about things and doesn't point out things which I know is wrong although I already see them. (I mean it is obvious you don't actually need me to point it out to you.)

I know little and yet I don't ask.
I used to be curious and ask question all the time.
Don't know what happened.
Maybe I'm not suited to be here.

Yet I'm having a hard time to leave because they gave me a chance and believe in me.
Then again, I don't know where else to go.

Also, I don't really want to OT in the office.
So I bring the work I'm supposed to do back home.
But is too unmotivated to do any at home so I ended up not doing till the next day.

I guess I wasn't really learning in my previous job and many comments from people are actually true
from being a postman to slacking off too much. For not giving an update frequently and complaining too much about things I should be doing. I also need to be more patient and listen more to others although they are long winded. Understand what they are saying instead of just listening to them.
Apply what I know instead of just leaving the knowledge to the void. Listen and work out people's comments rather than cut them off, giving excuses / reasons to defend myself.

I guess really need to improve on communicating cause it is stopping me from doing many things and putting things on hold / delaying the process.

I guess it is not too late to fix these problem. Just have to put in a lot of determination to get it fixed.
Right now, I'm still lacking of lots of knowledge to kick start a project and technical information.

Pressing problem is that my memory is getting worse!
I keep forgetting things and they are important things!

I really need to fix a few issues in order to do well.
  1. Strengthen my memory. Stop forgetting things
  2. Question and ask more if I don't know or don't understand and when I forget parts of it.
  3. Update and communicate with my team more.
  4. Read up more and widen my knowledge. heheh.
It's late now so I'm going to stop reflecting on not putting enough effort to work and continue with what I should have done at work instead of procrastinating .

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